move on already ashley!

who needs a heart like mine
not you
who needs a body like mine
not you

oh how i still love you with all my heart and every breath i take.
too bad it's not mutual.

ugh focus on myself, focus on myself, focus on myself, focus on myself
keep busy. move on.

a new life

I have changed my life around for the better. I am surrounded by people who love me, I have a job so I don't feel worthless (but i got laid off till honda's parts come in from japan, I work in a factory making car shifters for chrysler and honda+i love my job) I am not dependent on a relationship and that makes me happy. The dunes open tomorrow and I am pretty excited because its been a ghost town around here in Silver lake, oh yeah I don't live in Branch anymore, thank heavens! I am ready to mingle with new people.. See if any catch my eye if ya know what I mean :P I am just glad I am not a depressed hermit anymore!

I feel

Nothing.

Is there such thing as soul mates or true/real/everlasting love for that matter?

as in this moment I don't feel heart broken.

I wish I had never fallen in love with you. I hate myself for it. What the fuck happened. My life keeps getting more and more complicated with each passing day. I hate where I live, I hate my step father, but most of all I hate that I love you. goodbye.

last night

I really wanted to die.. I have no worth, no job, hardly any friends, things would be easier without me, I hate where I live, I hate most of the world and their petty issues and I hate money.. I feel like a huge burden. my eyes well up with tears all day long. It hurts to live lately. I still wanna die.

going in circles

My mind is eating me alive. I can't decide what I want. I will be miserable either way I think.

Chiyoye

I renamed myself today to Chiyoye, it's Japanese for everlasting pain.
It may seem dramatic, but  it is very fitting for me.
I am always going through some sort of hardship.
Ashley, is way too common of a name and I feel unique so I should have a unique name right?


I have been so bored and depressed, there really is nothing to do here. I need to get crafty.
I am also getting glasses very very soon, and I am very excited about seeing! plus they are super cute.
I have a lot to do with no way of doing it...
like get a divorce.
get tested.
take Maelay to the vet.


someone save me..
I miss having friends.